Expectations & Overthinking

Quick vocabulary lesson:

What does the word “Expectation” mean? 

A belief that someone will or should achieve something (to expect)

And…

What does “Overthinking” actually mean?

To put too much time into thinking about or analyzing (something) in a way that is more harmful than helpful

Moving on 👩‍🎓

Expectations and Overthinking are silent killers of relationships. They both have the power to steal joy and happiness from a once perfect marriage. Whether it be romantic, friendship or business workship, when expectations or overthinking is involved nothing good comes from it.

Most of us have expectations set in place for everyone in our lives and many of us are overthinkers. Some of you are a rare breed like myself and have both of these unhealthy issues. 🙋‍♀️🤦‍♀️Hi, my name is Mandy and I am an overthinking expectation having nutcase.  Good Lord,  you’d  think I would’ve learned my lesson by now. What can I say, I am a work in progress. 

Having expectations about others can really hurt us. We cannot predict the outcome of any single situation. We may have thoughts or fears regarding a situation at hand. We feel it may turn out the same as usual because we think people rarely change their habits.  If we choose to not have expectations of an outcome we will no longer be let down. 

Now don’t get it twisted.  I’m not saying don’t have standards.  Standards are not the same as expectations. Standards are not person-specific. They are the healthy boundaries, values, and principles you use to protect yourself from people and situations that you can’t tolerate. Girl, have them standards in place especially while in your dating phase, making career choices and in what you want out of life. Please always have standards because that is what sets you apart from everyone else. 

What I’m saying is that we should all do our best, living in the now and staying present.  Expecting too much sets us up for disappointment.  I have come to the conclusion that I can’t expect anything from anyone and therefore will not be hurt or let down if something doesn’t happen. It really is that simple. What is it that we expect from ourselves, and others? Perfection?  We can’t expect others to stand up to perfection when we ourselves are far from perfect. We all fall short and that is okay. As long as we are doing our best to not hurt others we are going in the right direction. 

Now overthinking… that’s a tough one. 

I am an overthinker. I always have been. I am the worst kind, a dramatic overthinker. If I have a headache, my brain will go through every scenario resulting in me 100% knowing that I now have a brain tumor… when in fact it’s just a simple headache. I am my own worst enemy. We all are! 

Now,  I’m not saying don’t trust your gut instincts as that is completely different. Trusting your gut means to follow the physical feelings your body gives you that you are making the right or wrong decision. Overthinking is the complete opposite. Our brains go haywire and conjure up stories just from thoughts usually out of fear of something. Fear of a relationship breaking. Fear of losing a job. Fear of having a health issue. We have to overcome our thoughts as we are more powerful than them. We are in control of what and how we think. 

Just so you know…

What is F.E.A.R? F.E.A.R. is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real.  Which means the crap we over-thinkers think in our heads is not real. 

All this to say,  please don’t let having expectations of someone or overthinking about a situation ruin a good thing. Alot of times we don’t know what we have until it’s gone and then it’s too late. Just relax. Take it one moment at a time. Stay in control of your thoughts and lose the expectations. Have a little faith that something good might happen for a change. Best of luck friends and let me know if this helps. 😊 

Love You, Love Me, Love All

Mandy

I am not an expert on the subject just simply writing through experience. 

References:

Oxford Languages Dictionary 

Merriam-Webster Dictionary